


Dancing In The Moonlight

by just_chemicals



Series: The Adventures Of Team Tardis And Their Extended Fam [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Mild Self Harm, Panic Attacks, Thirteen needs a hug, Thoschei, deep chats, gallifrey feels, im not putting them through that trauma again, the doctor is a fucking mess but we love her anyway, the master being soft, the planet they visit is not gallifrey, thoschei being cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22449595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_chemicals/pseuds/just_chemicals
Summary: After the events with the Kasaavin, the Master and the Doctor reunited and are living onboard the TARDIS together. For once, the whole fam appears to be living in peaceful harmony. But when the TARDIS takes them on a surprise trip to a beautiful planet with burnt orange skies, how will the two traumatised Time Lords react?
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Series: The Adventures Of Team Tardis And Their Extended Fam [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656955
Comments: 32
Kudos: 206





	1. cracks

As wary as they still all were of the master, everyone was starting to grow somewhat fond of him and the relationship he shared with the doctor.

It brought out a softness in them both, that her friends had never seen and created an air of calm in the tardis that hadn't been there in a very long time.

The two Time Lords didn't sleep as much as the humans on board and as such they often found their breakfast interrupted by the Gallifreyan's stumbling into the kitchen, covered in scorch marks and dirt, talking a million miles an hour about something that passed completely over their heads.

Yaz, Ryan and Graham spent a lot of time alone in the evenings discussing the new things they had learnt about the pair.

It was graham for example, who had first come up with the theory that the colour of the tardis console corresponded to the Doctor's mood.

So far they had found three colours in response to her emotions. When she was happy, excited, curious or any other variation of positive emotion the console was a golden yellow. When she was sad, or sometimes even worn out, it was blue. And when she was angry, which they had only seen once, after the couple got into a very heated argument resulting in the master storming out of the TARDIS and back onto his own, it turned a deep shade of red.

But the majority of the time these days the TARDIS remained in its comforting golden glow.

The doctor, with the help of the master, had also gradually been opening up to her fam.

They never pushed her, but for the past few weeks, over dinners or picnics or even during her passionate teachings about whatever planet or place they had landed in that day, she would begin to narrate some of the stories of her past.

For the harder ones, often about lost friends and loved ones, the master was close by, holding her hand tightly to ground her and reassure her that she wasn't alone anymore.

The master had his own past too, but he was much more reluctant to share his stories. He would indulge them with the occasional anecdote, but aside from that, and what they saw on the days he would spend with them, they still didn't know much about him.

That day, they decided to head to a planet of the tardis' choosing. They had only done this a handful of times but the places she took them had, without fail, been absolutely incredible.

Once the doctor assured them it was safe, Ryan, Graham and Yaz stepped out onto the new planet.

The sight that met them was stunning.

When they looked up the sky was a gorgeous swirl of orange, red and pink and three suns shone proudly behind purple clouds. The landscape was mostly hills of sand and grass with beautiful jungle-like forests scattered around. They could see a small city in the distance and the joyous hum of life emanating from it. It was breathtaking.

"Doctor! This is incredible!" Yaz shouted back into the tardis.

"Yeah, Doc this has got to be the most beautiful place I've ever seen! Come and see!" Graham agreed.

When the couple eventually strolled out hand in hand, they both gasped at the sight that greeted them.

Yaz noticed the doctor go pale, while the master seemed to grip her hand tighter. The Doctor's eyes went wide and began to dart around her surroundings frantically and once again the master tightened his grip on her hand and stepped a little bit closer to her.

"Uh, Doctor are you alright? You look a bit sick." Yaz commented.

This caught the attention of Ryan and Graham, who up until now had been having a conversation between themselves about the planet they were on and hadn't even noticed the two Time Lords leave the TARDIS.

This certainly wasn't the reaction that any of them were expecting from their time travelling tour guide.

The master and the doctor appeared to be having a silent conversation, while the master simultaneously whispered "it's okay" over and over again.

"Um, yeah sorry guys. Uh… d-do we have to stay here? I-I'm sure there's somewhere much nicer than this place to visit…" the doctor trailed off uncertainly.

Her fam didn't know what to make of it. This was the most beautiful place they had ever visited, but something about simply the sight of this planet was enough to reduce their happy go lucky friend into a stuttering panicking mess.

"Doc, if you are uncomfortable here, we can leave… but, can you please tell us why?" Graham attempted to reason.

"We don't push Doctor, that's not what we're about. But this place is mesmerisingly gorgeous and you just want us to leave? At least give us a reason?" Yaz agreed.

"She doesn't have to justify anything!" The master suddenly snarled. "If she never wants to tell you anything she doesn't have to and if you aren't happy about it then maybe we should just leave you here, seeing as you seem to love it so damn much!"

He was seething, fear and frustration radiating off of him in waves that made the rest of the crew almost nauseous.

"Master! Enough. They haven't done anything wrong. They are my family as much as you are, do not threaten them." The Doctor warned, carefully but firmly. Once again they appeared to be having a conversation without speaking.

The master turned around and began pacing anxiously a few metres away.

"Okay, okay… fine." Ryan huffed defeatedly, holding his hands up in the air in mock surrender. "We'll go somewhere else… but don't think that this conversation is over Doctor."

Yaz, Graham and Ryan traipsed miserably back into the Tardis and shut the door loudly behind them for good measure.

The Doctor sighed wearily, knowing she would have a lot of explaining and apologising to do later. But right now her thoughts were too jumbled to linger on that worry, she just needed to get them off this planet.


	2. culpability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor begins to realise it's time to open up to her friends.

Once they were all inside and back in the vortex, the three annoyed humans all left the console room in silence.

The Doctor sighed, dropping her head into her hands and rubbing her eyes tiredly.

She could feel the TARDIS humming restlessly in the back of her mind, attempting to apologise for taking them somewhere that had caused this rift between them.

She walked over to one of the crystal pillars and stroked it gently. 

"It's alright, old girl. This wasn't your fault, you were just trying to take us somewhere nice. You couldn't have known." The doctor reassured her ship tenderly. 

"Was it selfish of me to take us away from there?" she murmured quietly, knowing the Master was watching and listening. 

"No… you were protecting yourself. And me." He confirmed. "However, maybe if you did tell them about gallifrey… you wouldn't be feeling so guilty."

"I thought you said I didn't have to tell them anything I didn't want to!" She cried, turning around to face him.

"You don't. But I'd rather have you upset for a few hours after telling them, than moping around and hating yourself every time something reminds you of it! This is the fifth time in the past three weeks that you've avoided talking to them. They are losing their patience, don't pretend you haven't noticed. If you aren't careful, they'll stop trusting you." The master reasoned, coming over to hug the Doctor from behind, who had turned away again when she realised what he was saying was the truth. 

"Theta…" he whispered softly.

She hummed noncommittally in response.

"It's time. We need to tell them the truth… both of us." he said, resting his head on her shoulder. 

"I know…" she replied, as the tardis turned a sickly shade of blue and green. 

The three humans, who had been standing just outside the console room the entire time, looked at each other with matching looks of confusion. What could the Doctor possibly have to tell them that would be causing this much stress? How bad could it possibly be?


	3. confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time for the Doctor to have a difficult but much needed conversation with everyone on board the Tardis … how will they react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **hey quick trigger warning for a v small amount of self harm (hair pulling) and a slight panic attack?? potentially?? anyway plz read at ur own risk :)**

Yaz, Ryan and Graham all ran frantically back to the kitchen when they saw the Time Lords begin to move out of the console room. 

They had already made themselves cups of tea and made two for the Master and the Doctor as well, in case they dropped in. 

The pair walked in hand in hand, the Doctor looking more anxious than they had ever seen her. 

"Hey fam… I need to talk to you about something." She began quietly. 

"Alright Doc, come and sit down. There's a cuppa on the side there for you and him." Graham said cheerfully, nodding in the Masters direction to show who he was referring to. 

"You made us tea?" Asked the Master incredulously. "Why? You were annoyed with us." 

"Doesn't mean we don't still love you." said Yaz gently. "We may not know anything about you Master. But you care about the Doctor and she cares about you, which makes you part of this fam whether you like it or not."

"And in this fam, we make each other cups of tea with biscuits to show that even when we might look angry, you can still talk to us." Ryan continued, looking pointedly at the Doctor.

The Doctor was smiling faintly, with tears welling up in her eyes and when she looked over at the Master she could see a softness in his eyes that he knew was directed at the three humans opposite. 

The Time Lords took their tea off the counter and came to sit round the small table in the corner of the kitchen. The Master was pressed into the Doctors side with both his hands clutching hers tightly to remind her she was safe. 

They took a few sips of tea and sat in comfortable silence until the Doctor took a deep breath and began to talk. 

"You asked me where I was from and who I was and I told you I was a Time Lord. I told you I was from Gallifrey but I didn't tell you any more and that was wrong of me. I know I have been withdrawn lately and emotional and I'm sorry that I haven't let you in." She began, pausing for another deep breath and a sip of tea. 

Her fam all waited patiently for her to continue, looking at her with nothing but love in their eyes. 

"The thing is, I have a very long, complicated and often dark past and everyone who has travelled with me in the past usually got to see that eventually, whether I wanted them to or not. My past always catches up to me in the end and as you already know, those people don't travel with me anymore. I lost them. I lost them all…" the Doctor choked off and looked down at the table, breathing in shakily and slowly.

"It's ok. Take a second." The master whispered gently to her, moving one of his hands to rest on her lower back and move in circles. 

"S-so I thought that if I didn't let you in. If i didn't tell you about any of my past, then you wouldn't get hurt. I just love you guys so much. I always do. But i can't lose you again. I think this time it might actually kill me." 

Tears had started to trickle down the Doctors face and it was breaking everyone's hearts. Yaz started to reach across to comfort her somehow but the Master quickly and subtly shook his head to indicate not to interrupt her right now. 

"But I know I can't do that anymore. It's hurting you and me, more than it's helping." She paused, taking in another deep shaky breath. "There was a war, between my people and the Daleks, called the time war. It raged across the universe, destroying everything it touched. So many lives and civilisations were lost. Our planet was being destroyed, but worse than that was the destruction it was causing to the rest of the universe." 

She took another quick sip of her tea. 

"It was burning… and our people didn't care. All they cared about was winning. They liked to think they were different… that we were different… from the Daleks. But we were just as prepared as them to do anything to be supreme, to win, no matter the cost." she paused again, somehow shifting even closer to the Master.

He was beginning to look uncomfortable and distressed as well. 

"I tried to keep away. I didn't want anything to do with that fight. But i saw the consequences everywhere that I travelled. No matter how much I tried to run from it, it ran faster. I couldn't bear to see the carnage that this endless, stupid war was having everywhere I went. So I went back home, got injured and ended up regenerating into the man that ended the time war." The Doctor confessed looking up with tears now streaming down her face. 

She was now gasping desperately, whining and moved her hands towards her hair and began to pull.

"Doctor… Doctor stop honey it's okay…" the Master tried to reassure her, to no avail. 

"Theta…" he spoke slowly and carefully, "you're hurting yourself baby… you need to take a deep breath and let me help." 

The master gently pried her hands away from her head and kissed them. He then leaned forward until his forehead was touching hers and stroked her face softly with his hands.

"You are not that person anymore and you never have to be again. You never have to be a soldier, you will never be put in that position. You saved them. You saved them Doctor. It was my actions that lead us to where we are now. I alone am responsible for that burden. Please… just take a breath, try and finish and we can go to bed, ok?" he spoke so carefully and so assuredly that the rest of the occupants around the table were no longer as worried. 

Once the Doctor had taken a few deep breaths and had stopped crying, she continued with her story. 

"To end the war, I had to destroy the planet…" she admitted brokenly.

All three of the humans gasped, looking in shock and the Doctor. 

"But, stuff happened and I was able to go back and change time and save them. The Daleks killed each other and Gallifrey was trapped in a bubble of time that no one else could reach. No one could get in or out either… but still, it meant they were safe and alive again." She carried on smiling sadly. "But the Master… he destroyed it again. I don't know why. He won't tell me, I have to find out for myself and that is okay. But the loss of my planet, of my species, my home has been unbearable for both of us. It haunts him, the things he has done. But he stands by his decision. So… that's why I've been distant and moody. There's still so much that I don't know. That we both don't know and that causes us grief everyday. But for now, we just have to live with the knowledge that our entire history has been a lie and work out how to cope with that." She finished her story exhaustedly. 

Finally she looked back up to her fam who were all wearing different expressions, but none of them were rejection. 

"Thank you for telling us, Doctor." Ryan spoke first, confirming what everyone around the table was thinking.

"Yeah Doc, thank you. We don't think any less of you, it was really brave of you to tell us all that." Graham agreed.

"There's still something I don't understand…" Yaz confessed quietly. "Why did we have to leave that planet today? What upset you?" 

Everyone turned once again to look at the Doctor, realising that they too had this question. But it was the Master who answered this time.

"The sky. Even the landscape. It looked like Gallifrey. It wasn't Gallifrey, but it looked too much like home to just ignore it." The Master answered them all gently. Looking over at the Doctor to check it was alright for him to tell them. 

She smiled sadly and softly back at him and nodded her head. 

"Thank you for sharing that with us. Both of you. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Even if we don't fully understand, we are here for you no matter what. Don't shut us out again. Please." Yaz told them both looking at the Doctor sincerely. 

"Thanks fam. Now uh, if you don't mind I'm going to head to bed. I feel like I just got hit by an asteroid." The Doctor told them all tiredly, absentmindedly reaching up to rub her eyes with a fist, like a toddler. 

"I'm going to join you." The master told her, winding his arm securely around her waist.

"Goodnight guys."

"Goodnight, Doctor."


	4. cocoa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fam talk about what they have learnt over cups of hot chocolate. And an unexpected visitor drops in to answer more questions.

Ryan, Yaz and Graham collectively decided that they were all too preoccupied with the information they had learnt that evening to go to bed as well, even though they all felt suddenly very  
tired. Graham remarked that it probably had something to do with the Doctor as she had once told them that she could be telepathic. 

Despite the lingering exhaustion, they all got changed into something more comfortable and made their way to the library. Graham had made them all his special hot chocolate, complete with whipped cream and marshmallows, for which they were all incredibly grateful. 

The library resided in what the three humans considered to be the Doctors wing. Her bedroom, the library and what they were fairly certain was a lab all occupied space through a beautiful archway, different from all the other architecture in the Tardis. 

It was an odd mismatch of styles and colours, while somehow still working together. It was very Doctor. Her bedroom door was the same colour as the Tardis exterior, with flecks of gold and silver paint scattered around like stars.

The library had two huge mahogany doors that were usually left open and was everyone's favourite room on the ship. It was massive, with books on everything you could possibly want to know. It had big desks with vintage lamps and ink wells as well as technology that they wouldn't see on Earth for centuries to come. 

There was an arched floor to ceiling window, with a window seat attached, and heavy velvet curtains in a deep scarlet. They often found the doctor lounging in the corner of the window, with a cup of tea or an old book. 

There were also huge leather sofas with a coffee table and a beautiful ancient rug underneath it, that somehow still remained as soft as the day it had been made. 

They all flopped down onto a sofa each and began to talk in hushed whispers about everything they had learnt. 

"No wonder she's been so quiet. I feel bad that we've been so pushy now…" Yaz said, running her fingers through her hair.

"Yeah I mean, it affected us bad enough seeing the potential for what Earth could become. Can you possibly imagine how torn up she must be?" Ryan agreed.

"I don't know how she kept it together for so long. We knew something was wrong but, Christ. We didn't know it was that awful." Graham commented as well.

"She must be used to it…" Yaz muttered, her stomach clenching at the sudden realisation. 

"You know what I don't understand? I know the Master seems like he's all hard and scary but he isn't really. We've all seen a completely different side of him  
while he's been with us and the Doc adores him. So why destroy their planet? It's obviously causing them both so much hurt? What on Earth could be so bad that he genuinely did and still believes that killing all those people was the best solution?" Graham wondered aloud. 

Until now they hadn't really thought too much about the involvement that the Master had in the situation. But now they were all thinking about it, there were a million more questions swirling around in their heads. 

"Your thoughts are very loud." the master spoke, making them all jump. He laughed quietly to himself.

"You can hear our thoughts?" Yaz asked incredulously.

"Well, not all the time. Only when you want me to. Whether you know you want me to or not." The master said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Ryan asked, still very confused. 

"If you are worrying or in pain or overcome with emotion in some way, you give off telapathic signals that I and the Doctor can hear… especially when you have an emotion that relates to either of us respectively. For example you were just thinking very hard about me and my involvement in the Doctors suffering… so it was almost like a broadcast to me. I can't help but hear." he explained, more thoroughly this time.

"So are you telling me that all this time that we've been worrying about the Doctor, she's heard?" Yaz suddenly realised.

"Probably, yes. Not the stuff you say out loud, obviously… but the things you think about her, the worry… she would at least have been able to feel the worry coming off you." the Master replied.

"Oh…" Yaz said, because she didn't know what else to say. "Why aren't you with the Doctor?" 

"As I said… your thoughts were very loud, I couldn't sleep." The master said with a chuckle.

"Sorry mate." Ryan answered sheepishly. 

"It's alright. I thought you'd have more questions. I am telepathically linked to the Doctor. We can have conversations without saying anything out loud. I'm keeping an eye on her that way." The master explained, as he could read the questioning in their eyes. 

"So, you wanted to ask me something? What can I help you with?" The master asked genuinely, collapsing onto the remaining sofa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter was a bit longer than usual but I got very carried away! I love writing about the interior of the tardis :))


	5. conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Master and the Fam have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter is late, I meant to get this up much earlier than this but i've been really busy with uni and stuff :)) so sorry but enjoy!!

The friends all looked at each other uncertainly, still unsure how well they could trust the Master or what his boundaries were.

"You can ask, I gave you permission, I won't jump down your throats."

"Ok… what did you do to Gallifrey? And why?" Yaz spoke first.

"I destroyed Gallifrey… burnt it to the ground." he replied looking down at his feet.

"Why?"

"Because I found out something. A terrible secret that they had been keeping from all of us about our past. Our entire history, all of the facts that we built our lives around, our morals and personalities and beliefs… it was all a lie. What I found out was so terrible, that it was kinder to extinguish my race, than let it continue like that." The master told them, looking both angry and scared at the same time.

"But what did you find out?" Ryan asked, getting mildly frustrated at what appeared to just be pedanticism. 

"I can't tell you that. I have a mental wall in my head to prevent the Doctor finding out. If I tell you, you wont be able to stop yourselves thinking it and she will find out." the Master explained.

"What's so bad about her finding out though?" Graham asked. 

"She has to find out herself… I originally told her to be cruel. I wanted to make her suffer the way I did. But, she really does have to find out for herself. I can't help if I just tell her. It's complicated and I can't explain it to you… you just have to trust that I know best." the Master said uncharacteristically gentle. 

"Ok. I have another question for you." Graham declared.

"Go on."

"Why do you call the Doctor 'Theta'?" he asked, leaning forward slightly in his chair. 

"That was her name when were children. Our names were a secret known only to us. But they had to call us something. So we all had nicknames until we left the academy and could choose our own." The Master explained. 

"So 'Doctor' is the name that she chose, and you went for 'Master'? Why would you pick a name like that?" Ryan asked.

"It felt right." the Master shrugged.

"And what's the academy? Like a school?" Yaz asked.

"Yes and no. The academy was where we learnt how to be Time Lords. Every child of Gallifrey would eventually end up at the acacemy, where we were put through tests, trials and lessons, to eventually graduate and become a Time Lord." 

"So your race isn't actually Time Lords? It's… your title?" Ryan asked, still trying to understand.

"It's species but it's more than that. You are born a Gallifreyan to become a Time Lord. But it's so much more than just a name or title. You see life in a different way. You can see time itself woven throughout the universe, see the hidden secrets of planets, control events that no one else could comprehend. It is a title but also a responsibility and a curse. You are burdened with so much knowledge… so much expectation. The balance of the universe was in our hands. That was our job, to control it all. But for some of us," the master looked over his shoulder in the direction of the Doctors room, "that was all too much. All we wanted was to run, to see the stars as tourists rather than masters. All of that pressure, all of that obligation… it was enough to drive anyone insane." 

The fam all stayed quiet, just trying to absorb the information they had learnt. 

"Do you regret it?" Yaz asked.

"Yes and no. I don't want my planet to be dead. I want there to be somewhere in the universe that is home. Somewhere to go back to where everyone just understands. Despite everything… our ancestors and offspring all lived there on that planet. And I hate the hurt that it has caused the Doctor. I knew it would hurt her… I just never knew how much. But, I know I did the right thing. So for that reason… I don't regret it." The Master replied. 

"Besides they were pretty-"

He was suddenly cut off by an anguished scream coming from the room next door. 

"What-" Graham began to say when suddenly the Master sunk to his knees clutching at his head and looked over his shoulder in horror.


	6. comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor panics and her family try and help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for how long it's been since updating!! I couldn't seem to make this chapter how i wanted so I just kept writing and deleting over and over again! But it's here now! :) Enjoy some hurt doctor uwu

"Theta!" The Master shouted out fearfully, sprinting out of the library and into the room next door. 

The three companions were following very close behind, all three hearts hammering frantically, looking around for any sign of danger. 

But when they entered the room, there was no danger, only the Doctor thrashing on her bed in fear.

Her hair was tangled and damp with sweat and her head was jerking back and forth wildly. She was also whimpering quietly and tears were streaming down her face. 

The three humans all gasped in shock and horror, having never seen the Doctor in such an anguished or vulnerable state. 

The master was frozen momentarily before running round to her side of the bed and calling out to her.

"Doctor! Doctor, you're dreaming, it's ok wake up honey." He spoke loudly but gently. But nothing was getting through to her.

He reached forward and softly put his hand on her head before quietly whispering "contact". 

He suddenly jerked away from her with a horrified gasp as she also sat up in bed and began looking around the room frantically. 

She was wheezing desperately, every breath too quick and shallow. She was also still crying with a constant stream of tears cascading down her face. 

"Theta, hey look at me baby." the master spoke softly manoeuvring her face to look at him. 

"I- I can't-" she sobbed out, her face screwed up in pain and frustration. 

"It's alright, it's ok just breathe, I'll help." 

"I CAN'T!" she screamed.

He grabbed her two hands that were fisted in the sheets and brought one to his chest covered by his own and the other to her own. 

"You feel that Thete? You feel how I'm breathing? I want you to follow that. Breathe in and out with me. You can do  
this." He spoke tenderly but firmly in a way that he knew would hold the Doctors attention. 

"Breathe in… hold it… and out. That's it, good girl... let's do that again." 

The Doctor was still vibrating, her teeth chattering and twitching occasionally as waves of panic rolled over her. 

"Kos… I- I don't know w-what's happening" she spoke weakly.

"You're having a panic attack sweetheart. I know it feels horrible and feels like you are dying but you aren't. You just need to slow it down. That's all that matters right now. Do you want your friends to come over here too?" He asked her whilst running a hand up and down her arm. 

She moved her head slightly in confirmation and Yaz came to sit on the other side of her and rested her hand on the Doctors shoulder. Graham and Ryan also came and sat at the end of the bed, not touching her but letting her know they were there. 

"See Thete? Your whole fam is here for you. You are safe. You haven't done anything wrong and you don't have to go through that again. You are on the TARDIS and she is safe too." 

The TARDIS hummed in response and began whirring in time with the Masters deep breathing, a further familiar beat to concentrate on. 

After about 10 minutes of wheezing and crying the Doctors breath had evened out and her sobbing had reduced to the occasional tear. 

She looked up at the Master tiredly and gave him a weak smile, squeezing his hand slightly and then looked over to her fam who all still looked a bit shell shocked. 

"Thanks fam… I'm sorry I don't know what happened." the Doctor looked down at her fingers, going slightly red.

"You don't need to be sorry Doc. You had a panic attack, nothing to be ashamed of." Graham told her.

"Has that happened before?" The Master asked her looking at her seriously, while stroking her hair to keep her calm. 

"A few times I guess… but never that bad. It's happening more in this body. The last time it happened was when I was still with Clara." she was honest but obviously still ashamed. 

"Why didn't you say something?" Yaz asked her squeezing her hand tightly. 

"I don't know… they weren't that bad. I just… I didn't want you to see me as weak. I didn't want you to think I couldn't protect you. I-I'm sorry." Her voice was so quiet and timid that even the master had to strain to hear her. She had taken her arms back from the people she loved and wrapped them around herself protectively. 

Her eyes began to fill up with tears again and she began slowly by harshly raking her fingers up and down her arms leaving red welts in their wake. 

"Baby, stop it. Stop you are hurting yourself." The Master said firmly, taking her hands back into his own and rubbing his thumb on the back of them, trying to soothe her even as she struggled. 

"Would you guys mind giving us some time alone? There are a few things we need to talk about." The master asked the other three sitting on the bed.

With silent nods and unsure glances back at the doctor still shaking and wriggling around in frustration on the bed, they walked out of her room.


	7. concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation between the two time lords takes an unexpected turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof i decided to post another chapter because if it's written then WHY NOT? 
> 
> (also i apologise in advance i can't believe i wrote this agh)

"What were you dreaming about?" the Master asked her gently while stroking her hair. 

She had calmed down again after about 15 minutes and was now laying back against the Master with her head on his chest. 

"I don't want to talk about it." she whispered.

"I know, but I'm not giving you a choice. Anything that caused a reaction like that needs to be talked about."

"It's fine, I overreacted."

"You did not overreact. You reacted involuntarily, fight or flight. Whatever you saw was enough to terrify you and convince your body you were in life threatening danger so don't you dare try and tell me it's fine." The master was trying to be calm but his voice had risen in frustration towards the end of his statement. 

"I know… I'm sorry. I just… I can't talk about it I can't." she confessed voice beginning to wobble again. "Gods I feel so useless!" She shouted out, getting frustrated at the unusual amount of vulnerability and emotion she was displaying today. 

"You aren't useless Theta. You've been silent for too long. Not talking to me or your friends, keeping everything inside. You were bound to break eventually." 

"I'm not broken! Don't you dare say that I am broken!" she snarled out twisting away from him.

"No, not _you_ , but this stupid facade. Pretending you're fine and carrying on smiling and joking like nothing has happened. Shit has happened Doctor! Enough to make anyone distressed. With all the crap you already have swirling around in that big head of yours, this has just added to it. You've never been this withdrawn about your emotions before, so you've never had this reaction before." he was trying to be gentle, trying his best to get his point across without upsetting her further. 

"That makes sense… I- I just don't want to lose anyone again. I thought that if I just kept quiet. Kept my past hidden and my secrets to myself then there was nothing that could happen to the others. How could everyone that hates me use them when they know nothing about me?" 

"Because everyone that hates you already knows the most important thing, sweetheart." 

"Huh?" she looked over at him, confused. "What do they know?"

"That you love them. That you will stop at nothing to protect the ones you love and that hurting or threatening them is the best way to get a response out of you." he told her blatantly, looking anxious about her response.

She was quiet for minute. 

"So, really the answer is to stop travelling with someone else. The only way to keep the everyone safe is if there is no one around to have to keep safe." she realised, dropping her head as her hair formed a curtain in front of her face. 

"I mean… if that's what you really want. If you want to make sure that the humans are always safe. Then, yes. That is the answer."

He couldn't believe they were having this conversation. All he wanted was for the Doctor to know it was okay to feel something. He was never expecting the outcome to be that there would now only be two people living on the Tardis. 

Suddenly he realised something that made his blood run cold. 

"Wait, you said everyone. You aren't going to kick me out as well?" he asked, dreading her answer. 

She was silent, still looking down at the floor while her face was hidden. 

"Yes… I am."


	8. cocooned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Doctors decision.

The TARDIS had turned that sickly shade of blue less than 5 minutes after the three had been asked to leave. 

There was a lot of shouting coming from behind the bedroom door. It was accompanied by a fair amount of swearing, crying and the sounds of things breaking. 

The Master stormed past the three humans who lingered outside the door restlessly for 30 minutes, looking angrier and more terrifying than they had seen him in a very long time. 

They knew that he also had a room somewhere on the TARDIS, just like the rest of them, though he mostly chose to sleep in the same room as the Doctor. 

Now from wherever that room was, they could hear the slam of a door and more items breaking. 

They had no idea what was going on. 

From the Masters reaction, they had gathered that it was probably something that the Doctor had said but they couldn't possibly fathom what would be causing a response like this. 

They all looked anxiously into the now open door of the Doctors room, to find her sitting on the floor by her bed with her head buried in her knees and her arms wound tight around her legs. 

"Doc? Are you okay?" Graham asked cautiously. 

There was no reply. 

"Doctor? Can we help? Please?" Yaz said softly but desperately. 

"No." 

"W-What?" Yaz had to clarify.

"No. You can't help. Please. You need to leave." the Doctors voice was small and shaky and full of anguish. 

"Leave you alone?" Ryan asked hopefully, trying to shake the sinking feeling that was beginning to form in his stomach. 

She sighed, long and hard. 

"No… I'm sorry." 

"Doctor? You aren't telling us to leave the tardis are you? Please tell me that's not what you're saying." Yaz' voice was getting more unsteady each word.

"Fam… I-I'm sorry. I can't-" 

She stopped as she choked on a sob. 

"I have to keep you safe. My dream. It was so real. Everyone dies and I've lost so many. B-But no more. I can't. I have to know you are safe." 

She was crying outright now. Still looking at the floor, fingers winding together and pulling frantically. 

"You can't just send us away like that! We aren't pets! We love you, you are our family now! All of us made the collective decision to give up our lives, our friends and families to come and see the universe with you and you think you can just turn around one day and tell us to leave? I don't think so Doctor!" Ryan shouted. 

They had never seen Ryan like this before. He was usually the calmest of the three of them. 

"I'm not doing this because I want to! You don't understand how many people I have lost! Centuries have passed and countless lives have been lost and sacrificed in my name and I will NOT have it anymore! I love you. I love you with every part of me, but I never know what's coming. When we land somewhere there is always a huge element of risk, nothing ever goes to plan! Can't you understand that keeping you safe is my responsibility?! If something happens to any of you, that's on me, forever!" She was shouting too now. 

Tears were streaming down her face, her hands were shaking and her eyes were red. 

She wasn't angry though. She was distraught. Filled with pain and fear of the unknown and of the thought of losing those she loved again. 

"Oh and I'm guessing you told the Master to go as well did you, Doc?! That's why he's so angry again? You gotta admit this is selfish!" Graham joined in, raising his voice as well for the very first time. 

The Doctor was sobbing now, along with the others. She was whining and gasping desperately, not sure what to do with the emotions overwhelming her. 

The only person in the room who still wasn't crying or shouting, was Yaz. She was surprisingly calm, radiating patience and understanding that could only have come from her training as an officer. 

She walked over to the Doctor and wrapped her arms around her body and squeezed her tight. 

The Doctor tensed up, still wound tight with anxiety and frustration and even more confused that Yaz was hugging her when she should have been angry.

The others had fallen silent and no one was saying a thing. 

Slowly, the Doctor began to relax, collapsing against Yaz and sobbing hysterically into her shoulder. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." the doctor was shouting over and over again. She was gripping the back of Yaz' shirt tightly and still breathing far too quickly. 

"Listen to me Doctor. All you have to do is listen. It's ok to be scared. It's ok to be angry and upset. It's natural to want to push us away. But this is our decision. Our life and we won't have someone dictate it. None of us. This is not on you." 

Yaz paused and took a breath. Every word she spoke was being spoken so quietly and gently that every person in the room was staying silent to listen. 

"It is not your responsibility to make sure that we are always safe. You have been through so much. Too much than one person should ever have to go through. You are hurting and scared but you are never alone. You can talk to us. Tell us when you are hurt or when you are anxious. Tell us when you are worried we aren't safe or are unhappy and we will tell you how we feel and make our own decisions. But don't send us away to try and save us because I promise you we won't thank you for that. Please don't shut us out, Doctor. We are your family."

Yaz finished speaking but didn't let go of the Doctor, just lowered her to the ground as her knees began to buckle. 

Ryan and Graham came and circled her with their arms as well and the Master watched on affectionately from outside the door. 

He had heard all the shouting, and as frustrated and hurt as he was by the Doctors words, he couldn't sit there and let her take all the blame. But what he found was very different to what he was expecting. 

'Contact' he attempted, for he too needed theta to know how much he adored her. 

There was a gasp from the middle of ball of humans as she felt him reaching out. 

'Contact' she gave in. And he allowed his love to surround her mind. 

The Doctor sighed. Completely exhausted and raw with the emotions and events of the day. Everything was out in the open now. She couldn't hide anymore. But for some reason her fam didn't seem to care. They had come to her rescue and enveloped her with love, unlike anything she had felt whilst in this body. 

Things were not perfect and she knew there was a lot more talking to come tomorrow. But for now, she was quite happy to drift off to sleep, cocooned in the safety and comfort of the arms of her wonderful family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok SO! Don't panic! Yes this is the last chapter of this fic but I have decided to turn this into a series with more master/thirteen fluff and angst etc. So stay tuned and if you have anything that you would really like to see please leave your ideas in the comments and I will be sure to bring them to life❤️ thanks for all the support I've had so far I am overwhelmed with the response I've had :)


	9. !! read !!

i'm sorry that this isn't a chapter! but it just occurred to me that if you are subscribed to this fic you won't have seen that i've posted a new fic and made this one a part of a series :)

so if you like this fic, check out the next part of this series and subscribe to that❤️

thank you for supporting me :) and once again let me know if there are particular things that you would like me to write about!


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